Here's how you can reduce loneliness
The topic of loneliness has attracted increased media attention in recent years, with the pandemic bringing this issue further to the fore. But researchers have long been interested in this phenomenon. Insights from this work have improved our understanding of loneliness. We also have a better understanding of what loneliness can lead to, and what actions can alleviate it.
In this article:
Loneliness Definition
Loneliness is a state in which there is a gap between a person's desired and actual social engagement levels (1). This issue is a negative emotional state accompanied by a sense of isolation and lack of closeness or belongingness in social relationships (2,3).
Loneliness synonym
Loneliness and 'being alone' are distinct concepts, so they should be distinguished. Being alone is not always an unpleasant experience and does not necessarily lead to lonely times. Most people enjoy or value time alone, at least from time to time (1). Some even need regular breaks from family members. Few people enjoy the state of loneliness.
I encounter different preferences for social connection amongst clients in my practice. Unfortunately, people with a strong desire either way are sometimes given unhelpful labels like 'loner' or 'clingy'. A strong orientation either way might be problematic only when psychological distress results.
How common is loneliness?
The answer to this question depends on how loneliness is defined, how it is measured, and who is studied. Hence, various figures are available. To give you an idea, significant aloneness occurs in about 10 to 40% of the population (2,4). This is a considerable number of people, indicating a major social issue.
Symbol of loneliness
Research suggests that feelings of loneliness is often associated with older adults. But recent investigations have indicated that young people can be at least as lonely as those in their later years. The recent UK study The Loneliness Experiment reported that 16 to 24-year-olds were most likely to feel lonely (40%) compared to other age groups (5). Specific demographic factors and life circumstances are linked to relatively high aloneness levels, including being a woman, having no children, and living alone (2).
Symptoms of loneliness
Many signs of loneliness have been proposed. The main indicators focus on the extent to which you feel connected with others. Lonely people feel disconnected in a variety of ways (e.g., people don’t understand me, people don’t contact me). Other possible signs include:
Finding social engagement (conversations, etc) exhausting
Increased physical unwellness (e.g., aches and pains, feeling unwell, making more trips to the doctor)
Negative thoughts about yourself
Assuming others hold negative opinions of you
Low mood
Anxiety
View these signs with caution; they are quite general and may be linked to psychological issues other than loneliness.
Loneliness test
Lots of loneliness tests are available. Be careful- many lack any information about how they are constructed. One well-validated questionnaire is the UCLA Loneliness Scale. Ultimately, the most important ‘test’ is your answer to the question ‘Do you feel lonely and/or detached from others and are you unhappy with these circumstances?
Loneliness and depression
Aside from being an unpleasant emotional state in its own right, loneliness is associated with various health issues (physical and psychological). Negative effects include (3,7):
Symptoms of depression
Lower quality of life
Alcohol and drug use issues
Increased stress levels
Thinking difficulties (e.g., reduced concentration)
These unwanted outcomes highlight the need to address loneliness.
How to deal with loneliness
We have strategies for reducing loneliness. There are several examples of formal programmes to address this issue. These interventions range from befriending services to group therapy.
Aside from these approaches, you can take many practical steps to reduce loneliness levels in your daily life. Here are a few suggestions:
More strategies for loneliness
Be on the lookout for negative beliefs about social interactions and your social skills. For instance, 'People find me boring' is a thought that may prompt social withdrawal. Do you have real-world evidence for a thought like this? Is this thought helpful? If not, what is a more helpful alternative? What would you say to a friend who had this thought?
Connect to groups of people with interests or life-circumstances that match your own. If this seems too challenging, look to research existing groups and reach out to a group's contact person as a way to get started. Remember that the quality of social interactions is more important than quantity.
Social media platforms can help link you with new people and groups. You should only use online resources to make offline interactions possible. Your wellbeing is likely to suffer if your entire social life is online. Social media should support, not replace in-person contact.
Seek out distracting activities. Consider the areas of work, study and hobbies to get started.
Confide in someone you trust. Spend time talking to a friend about the loneliness you are experiencing. This connection can counter feelings of isolation. Friends and family can also be a great source of new social contacts and other practical help.
Loneliness and CBT
Psychological treatments that specifically target unhelpful beliefs about social interactions may be the most effective of the formal approaches (6). For example, a CBT therapist might draw out unhelpful beliefs that maintain social isolation such as ‘People find me boring’, I’ll be judged negatively by others’, ‘I’ll feel uncomfortable if I go to that social event’. Once progress has been made with unhelpful thoughts, a CBT therapist might then encouraging their client to start increasing social contact in small, manageable ways.
Online therapies for loneliness
We have seen the emergence of studies evaluating the effectiveness of online psychotherapy for loneliness. Results are encouraging in that online interventions may reduce loneliness along with providing other positive outcomes in the form of improved mood, reduced social anxiety and improved quality of life (8,9).
Chronic loneliness
Be alert to the possibility that loneliness has occurred due to an underlying psychological or mental health issue. Seeking professional help may be warranted if loneliness has persisted for a long time and you are experiencing significant anxiety, particularly related to social interactions. You may also need some professional input if your mood has been persistently depressed for a few weeks or longer.
The well of loneliness?
Loneliness is a major societal issue that affects many people. Aside from being a negative life experience, loneliness is also a risk factor for other health and psychological problems. Thankfully, there are many strategies you can try to reduce loneliness. Be aware of underlying mood and anxiety issues, and don't hesitate to seek professional input if required.
Poems about loneliness
Many find comfort in other people describing loneliness. Especially when this experience is hard to talk about. One example of poetry on this topic is called ‘Alone’ by Edgar Allan Poe. Claude McKay writes about being lonely in a crowd with a piece called ‘On Broadway’.
Modern loneliness lyrics
Finally, here are some recent examples of loneliness expressed in songs:
Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
Lonely by Akon
Cool Kids by Echosmith
Speed of the Sound of Loneliness by John Prine
Loneliness memes
….and here are some loneliness memes you might relate to.
Summary
Loneliness is a huge problem in our society. This experience is extremely difficult and leaves people vulnerable to various health issues. Therefore, it is really important to reach out when affected by persistent loneliness.
Effective help is available. Support to grow your social network and deal with any social interaction barriers can take you a long way down the path towards connection and a better life.
Further reading
There are some useful tips on reducing loneliness in this book by Cheryl Rickman.
Learn about social anxiety.
Here is an article on making friends at university.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help with loneliness. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Russell, et al. (2012). Is loneliness the same as being alone? The Journal of Psychology, 146(1-2), 7-22.
(2) Beutel et al. (2017). Loneliness in the general population: Prevalence, determinants and relations to mental health. BMC Psychiatry, 19, 97.
(3) Dickens et al (2011). Interventions targeting social isolation in older people: a systematic review. BMC Public Health, 11, 647.
(4) Patel et al. (2019). Loneliness: The present and the future. Age and Ageing, 48, 476-477.
(5) BBC Radio 4. (2018). The Anatomy of Loneliness. Retrieved from https://www.bbc. co.uk/programmes/m0000mj9 on 26/02/21
(6) Cacioppo et al. (2015). Loneliness: Clinical import and interventions. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 238-249.
(7) Hämmig O. (2019). Health risks associated with social isolation in general and in young, middle and old age. PLoS One. 2019;14(7):e0219663. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0219663
(8) Käll A, Jägholm S, Hesser H, Andersson F, Mathaldi A, Norkvist BT, Shafran R, Andersson G. Internet-Based Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Loneliness: A Pilot Randomized Controlled Trial. Behav Ther. 2020 Jan;51(1):54-68.
(9) Shapira S, Yeshua-Katz D, Cohn-Schwartz E, Aharonson-Daniel L, Sarid O, Clarfield AM. A pilot randomized controlled trial of a group intervention via Zoom to relieve loneliness and depressive symptoms among older persons during the COVID-19 outbreak. Internet Interv. 2021 Apr;24:100368.
Infographic:
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/bulletins/coronavirusandlonelinessgreatbritain/3aprilto3may2020
https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/
https://ourworldindata.org/loneliness-epidemic
https://www.redcross.org.uk/stories/health-and-social-care/social-care/lonely-and-left-behind
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/sites/default/files/the_lonely_society_report.pdf
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/alarming-covid-19-study-shows-80-of-respondents-report-significant-symptoms-of-depression#How-the-team-conducted-the-study
