What Can I Do About Guilt?

Many people struggle with guilt. This emotion comes up frequently in my work. This article provides essential information on this topic along with some coping suggestions.

Topics in this article include:

A definition of guilt
Concepts related to guilt
Guilt in society
What you can do about guilt

What is guilt?

Guilt is an emotion that is unpleasant and self-focused. This feeling arises when you've done something that breaks your moral standards (1). This violation results in a harmful outcome (perceived or actual) of some kind.

Guilt is normal and common. Nearly 11% of adults experience this emotion at any given time (2).

But this emotion feels terrible. So why do we have it? One idea is that guilt encourages people to make amends for a wrong, thereby promoting good behaviour in groups (3). This is a form of healthy guilt.

Guilty conscience meaning

A guilty conscience is an awareness of guilt. You detect these feelings and assume they are caused by doing wrong. A conscience is not a thing that exists physically. Instead, it is the thinking process that judges the morality of your behaviours (Cambridge Dictionary).

Racked with guilt

While guilt is normal and beneficial (at times), it can become excessive and problematic. This is no different to other unpleasant feelings (e.g., anger, jealousy). Out-of-hand guilt is sometimes referred to as 'pathological' or 'maladaptive'. But we also use terms like 'guilt ridden'.

Here are a few examples:

Guilt appears to be particularly prevalent with depression (2).
Elevated guilt leads to emotional over-involvement (4).
Elevated guilt can make bereavement more complex and challenging (5).
Sometimes known as 'OCD Guilt', this emotion is associated with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD; 6).

We have found that guilt has pros and cons. However, scientists are still grappling to understand when this emotion leads to these different outcomes.

Guilt trip definition

I have mentioned that guilt is a self-focused emotion. However, there are times when someone may force guilt on you.

Guilt-tripping is when someone tries to convince you that you've broken moral standards. At its worst, this behaviour is a form of manipulation and an unhealthy approach to relationships.

When a person refuses to take responsibility for their actions, some feel that a little guilt-tripping is beneficial. However, this is unproductive when utilised for personal advantage or with someone prone to undue guilt.

Difference between guilt and shame

Guilt is related to other feelings and psychological experiences. Experts are particularly interested in shame. Both are negative self-evaluations. But, the two emotions differ in some areas. For example:

Shame comes from faults in public view, but guilt is a private feeling (2).
Some argue that shame results in a negative self-opinion. Alternatively, guilt places actions (not people) in a disparaging light (7).

Not everyone agrees with these (and other) distinctions. Nevertheless, research continues to tease out these relationships.

Feeling bad for someone

Shame is just one example of concepts associated with guilt.

There are similarities and differences between guilt and regret

Feeling bad for someone is also linked to sympathy and empathy. For example, empathy may increase the chances that guilt prompts positive behaviour (8).

Witnessing people in bad situations (e.g., medical illness, relationship difficulties) can lead to guilt. This is because we can feel embarrassed about our comparatively better circumstances. That's an understandable reaction to suffering. However, you have other response options (e.g., compassion).

Catholic guilt

Guilt turns up in all corners of society. We have terms related to the belief that a large group can experience guilt.

'Catholic guilt' is one example. Members of the Catholic faith are assumed to experience excessive guilt due to their religious expectations. However, there is debate over the existence of Catholic guilt. Jewish guilt is another example where guilt is assumed to be a cultural given (9). 'White guilt' is guilt generated by acknowledging unearned privilege (10).

A danger of group-level guilt is an assumption that excessive guilt is normal. As a result, some people may believe something is wrong if they don't experience extreme guilt.

Guilt antonyms

Innocence is the obvious opposite of guilt. But, several alternative antonyms exist. Some of these are not particularly virtuous.

Examples include impenitence and remorselessness. These terms have negative consequences, further adding to the virtuous element of admitting wrongdoing. The effect can be an over-valuing of guilt. A view that guilt is important, even essential. This emphasis may prevent the identification of excessive guilt.

Eat me guilt-free

Guilt occurs all around us, even with food.

People tell us there are 'sinful foods'. But, confusingly, there are also 'deliciously sinful foods'! These concepts bring moral standards to the most fundamental aspects of our lives. However, such terms also cause great confusion; Should I feel guilt, or is it good to treat myself?

Linking unhelpful messages to guilt raises the possibility of unhealthy consequences. We don't achieve healthy eating through guilt and coercion. Similarly, healthy relationships do not depend on guilt-tripping.

Initiative vs guilt

This term is associated with Erik Erikson's theory of how children develop socially. Erikson suggested that children start to initiate activities with their peers. Guilt can occur if these efforts are suppressed. In this way, we see how guilt can develop. Being seen as 'annoying' or a 'nuisance' is a negative moral evaluation of one's behaviour. As discussed above, negative self-evaluation is a core feature of guilt.

Guilty conscience lyrics

We find perspectives on guilt in art and popular culture. Several musicians have written songs about guilt. While Kanye West's track 'Guilt Trip' lyrics may be tricky to figure out, here are a couple of other examples:

Guilty Conscience by Eminem deals with the debate between right and wrong in our head.
Guilt by Marianne Faithfull addresses this emotion when thinking about wrong behaviour.

Guilty conscience quotes

What is a quote for guilt? There are endless views and opinions on guilt. Here are a few quotes:

Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you. Veronica Roth

Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. Voltaire

There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you're useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose. Sabaa Tahir

How to let go of guilt

We've seen that guilt is a complex emotion with influences at the individual and societal level. This is a normal emotion, but it can become harmful when excessive.

How do you handle guilt in a healthy way? Here are a few suggestions to deal with guilt:

Be clear on the source of your guilt. What is the specific reason for this emotion? You can't do much with vague thoughts. In addition, non-specific thoughts and feelings might be an indicator of inappropriate guilt.
Ask yourself whether the guilt is logical and rational. Some forms of guilt are unhealthy (e.g., survivor guilt). You can judge appropriateness by asking if it makes sense.
Ask yourself whether the guilt is in proportion to the situation. Test this by asking yourself What would I say to someone in this position? This question may help decide whether guilt is in proportion to the circumstances.
If guilt is illogical and unreasonable, you can try the cognitive techniques on the Skills Videos page.
If your guilt has merit, think about the concrete actions can you take to make amends. Don't get caught by the downward spiral pattern of thinking called rumination.
Now think about how you can move forward positively. What have you learned from this situation? How should you act in similar circumstances in the future?
Direct some compassion towards yourself. As Alexander Pope said To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Read this article if you feel like a failure

Nov 26 How to handle guilt