What does it mean to be overbearing?
Overbearing Meaning And What You Can Do About It
Have you ever encountered someone who seems adamant about their beliefs and opinions, expecting everyone else to fall into line?
Such individuals are often considered to be overbearing. These people find it hard to accommodate others or adjust to situations that don't fit their requirements.
Here's everything you should know about an overbearing person.
Overbearing: Definition
Overbearing people are those who wish to control their surroundings, situations, and other people. These aims are pursued by attempting to take charge and being dominant over others.
At worst, these people may resort to manipulation, coercion, or intimidation.
Synonyms of Overbearing
Here are some words that may describe an overbearing personality:
Domineering
Heavy-handed/high-handed
Oppressive
Dominating
Bossy
Pushy
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Signs Of Overbearing Behavior
It is also important to recognise the signs of overbearing behaviour. Here are some potential indicators:
They blame you when things go wrong. They also expect you to comply with their wishes in the future to avoid such ‘mistakes’.
They are highly critical and intimidating.
They don't accept any boundaries that you may attempt to establish.
They try to control your behaviour or movement and make you change yourself to suit their ideals.
They try to dictate or control things that may otherwise be minor issues.
They don't give people space and expect things to be done their way.
They act superior or entitled and also come across as arrogant.
They demand prioritisation and have their needs and schedules placed above everyone else's.
They become rude and hurtful when things don't go their way.
They give unwanted advice, expect you to follow, and take offence if you don't.
Remember, these are possible indicators of an overbearing personality style. Any of the above behaviours couldn't indicate different issues (e.g., inflexible thinking, narcissism).
Effects Of Being Overbearing
Being overbearing can affect all aspects of one's life, from relationships to general day-to-day functioning. Here are some examples:
Relationship Problems
An overbearing nature can make it difficult to sustain healthy relationships. This is because it leads to problematic interpersonal interactions (e.g., poor communication) that impede a strong bond.
Overbearing people also find it hard to compromise and make adjustments and allow for other people. This can pose an obstacle to sustaining a relationship that requires both partners to feel heard and cared for.
Prevents Sympathy And Empathy
Being overbearing impairs an individual's ability to consider another's perspective or experience. This inflexibility can block empathy and the capacity to relate to another individual's concerns.
Can Inhibit Progress and Teamwork
An overbearing nature can be a massive drawback. This interactional style can make an individual extremely controlling and impossible to accept help. This can severely limit the potential and performance of individuals and teams.
Harbours Negative Emotions
Dealing with an overbearing individual can lead to anger and resentment. Negative thoughts and emotions may occur if someone is constantly expected to succumb to an overbearing individual's demands.
Related Concepts
An overbearing nature can be a general personality trait in some individuals. But it can also be connected to other deeper underlying issues.
Personality Issues
Certain personality patterns can cause overbearing tendencies. Narcissistic personality is one such issue. Such individuals try to control other people and their surroundings. This is because they prioritise their needs over others.
Some advice on communicating with emotionally volatile people can be found in this book by Jerold Kreisman.
Social Skills Difficulties
People with a deficit in social skills can inadvertently display overbearing tendencies. This can occur because an individual lacks skills in expressing themselves, using appropriate behaviours, and empathising with others.
Here’s a useful book on social skills by Daniel Wendler.
Emotional Regulation Problems
People who struggle to regulate their emotions may have emotional outbursts and become upset when things don't go their way. As a result, they can be overbearing when agitated, disappointed, or irritated.
Emotion regulation skills are a key skill in this workbook by Matthew McKay.
Strategies To Cope With An Overbearing Person
There are ways to cope with an overbearing person. But their appropriateness and effectiveness will differ based on several factors (e.g., your personality, relationship with the concerned individual).
Here are some basic strategies to get you started, in addition to the book recommendations provided above:
Calmly advise the person that their relational style and overbearing nature adversely affect your relationship.
Clearly state that you want to move forward and find a positive, mutually beneficial manner to deal with the situation.
Advise the person that their behaviour, not words, will be key to believing anything they may say about changing behaviour.
If the person is dismissive of your approach:
Accept that you may not be able to effect much change.
Try to minimise their impact on you and your life.
Reevaluate your relationship and consider whether you should avoid contact with the individual in question.
On the other hand, if the person concerned is receptive to your approach:
Describe their behaviour and its effects so they understand the situation from your point of view.
Avoid interpreting their behaviour and stating unbiased facts, such as telling them when they undermine your opinion or needs.
Suggest ways that they can approach the issue and modify their behaviour.
Be encouraging and supportive and direct them to a trained professional who can help them overcome their overbearing nature.
Further Reading
Learn about the superiority complex
An insight into unempathetic behaviour
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help manage overbearing behaviour. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
