Coping With Belittling Behaviour
What Should I Do If Someone Is Belittling Me?
Have you ever been made to feel small by someone? Maybe they spoke to you condescendingly or brushed off your concerns without really listening to them. Or maybe they regularly make snide comments that leave you feeling inferior. If so, then you've experienced belittling behaviour.
Being belittled can be a challenging experience because you can feel insignificant. It may make you question your worth as a person. It can also be tough to deal with because the person doing the belittling is often someone close to you, like a family member, friend, or co-worker. This behaviour can lead to various other problems, like anxiety and low mood.
Belittling someone means treating them in a way that makes them feel less than they are. It's a form of emotional abuse or insensitivity that is sometimes used to make the other person feel weaker. Often, belittling comments and other behaviour can be subtle. What's more, the belittler may not even realise they're doing it.
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Belittling behaviour is unacceptable in any context. This is bullying and even abusive behaviour that should not be allowed to occur.
Why someone might belittle another person
Here are some potential contributors to the behaviour:
They are trying to make themselves feel more powerful or important by putting someone else down.
They have low self-esteem and need to build themselves up by making others feel inferior.
They may be insecure in the relationship and need to control the other person to maintain their status or power within it.
They may believe that making someone else feel small will help them appear more capable or successful in comparison.
It could also be a way for them to try and mask any feelings of jealousy or insecurity about the other person's life, accomplishments, or relationships.
What Should You Do If Someone Is Belittling You?
It's important to remember that you cannot change or fix the other person; only they can do that themselves. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and focus on rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem if it's been damaged by the situation.
Focusing on what you can control might involve any of the following.
First, test the water and let the person know their behaviour is unwanted and/or having a negative impact. Their response to this will help you determine your next strategy.
If the person responds positively (shows genuine concern for your well-being):
Give details on how their behaviour is affecting you. Provide facts in as calm a manner as possible. Resist the urge to lash out or respond angrily. This is easier said than done, but it will raise the chances of a positive outcome.
Give the other person a chance to have their views expressed. This shows respect, and it will be helpful to hear their perspective on the situation.
Be clear on your preferred outcome. For instance, you might want to see a specific change in their behaviour.
Encourage the person to develop skills that reduce the probability of belittling behaviour in future (e.g., learn constructive criticism techniques).
Agree to monitor and follow up in some way (e.g., discuss progress a month from now).
If the person responds negatively (e.g., minimises your concerns):
Seek support from a colleague, friend or family member. Wrapping a support team around you helps build resources and options for dealing with unwanted behaviour.
Take your concerns to someone in a position of authority (e.g., a manager), especially if you cannot avoid interacting with the belittler.
Set firm boundaries where possible. For example, notify the person that you will stop a meeting if the behaviour occurs.
Explore options for additional skill development in dealing with difficult people. You may want to look at professional support in this area.
Summary
No one deserves to be treated poorly. If someone belittles you, know that you have options for responding.
Remember, you cannot change the other person. Only they can do that themselves. But you can influence your own reaction to the situation.
Further reading
About demeaning behaviour
Dealing with insecurity
Learning from toxic relationship quotes
What to do about feeling inferior
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help you manage belittling and other difficult behaviours. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
