The Golden Child Syndrome: What It Means For You
Exploring The Golden Child Syndrome
We all want to be accepted and loved. We also want to make our parents proud. But, often, this feeling becomes more of a burden than a positive force.
Unhealthy parenting styles can lead to numerous negative effects in childhood and in your adult personal and professional life. One parenting pattern often discussed is the ‘golden child syndrome’. These children can do no wrong in their parent’s eyes but must perform perfectly in every sphere.
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Golden Child Meaning
The golden child syndrome is not an official medical or mental health diagnosis. Furthermore, there is little high-quality research on this specific topic.
However, the idea of unhealthy parenting styles does tap into various domains ranging from child development to anxious and avoidant attachment and learning theory. For years, researchers have been interested in parenting styles and parent-child relationship development.
The basic idea behind this work is that parenting practices and styles affect child outcomes ranging from psychological well-being to career success. For example, ‘intensive parenting’ has been the subject of much media and academic attention.
Golden Child Syndrome refers to a strict requirement to become perfect. For example, expecting a child to obtain high grades in school or do every house chore perfectly. Such kids are also considered role models within the family. But unfortunately, this creates unnecessary pressure on other kids to reach the golden child's standards.
One effect of this approach is that children tend to have an overwhelming need to please. As a result, children are usually left with little space to express themselves and grow. Some children exposed to intense parenting go on to experience emotional problems (1) and reduced self-esteem (2).
Adverse Effects of Golden Child Syndrome
Living by a strict rule book leaves no space for self-development. As a result, important behaviours such as exploration, boundary testing, and self-expression are inhibited. These effects can damage human development from a young age. The golden child grows with the risk of problematic attachment styles (e.g., insecure attachment).
Here are some other effects of golden child syndrome:
The child feels the need to prove themselves and please their parents. A golden child will often listen to the excessive demands of their parents to gain validation.
The constant struggle for achievement may contribute to additional problems. Children might seek perfection or suffer from an intense fear of failure. Instead of feeling safe, a child might feel empty and anxious around authority figures.
Golden children are required to grow up fast. As a result, they don't get to experience many things a growing child does. They willingly take on more burdens than they can handle, regardless of age.
Implications of Golden Child Syndrome in Adulthood
The effects of golden child syndrome don't end in adulthood. These parenting practices can adversely affect your adult life in many ways. Here are a few examples:
Victims of golden child syndrome may become emotionally unavailable as adults. It affects their relationship with their family and partner. Their primary focus is maintaining an appealing facade instead of genuine investment in relationships.
Some golden children might get too clingy in relationships. They may be poor at setting boundaries or rely too much on their partner's validation. This can push a partner away, creating a greater urge for validation.
Another major drawback of golden child syndrome can be low self-esteem. Because life revolves around constant validation from others, people can have very unstable self-worth. This can leave people being defensive and sometimes hostile against people who show criticism.
How to Reduce the Negative Impacts of Golden Child Syndrome
Living with the effects of problematic parenting in adulthood can be difficult. Serious difficulties are best addressed with the help of a professional. However, you may also gain benefits from tacking related issues such as:
In many cases, people who experience serious difficulties need to work with a professional. A competent practitioner will help you understand the impact of problematic parenting behaviours, link them to current difficulties, and provide a tailored approach to address issues.
Further Reading
A couple of additional references for you:
Here is a useful book on attachment styles by Thais Gibson
This is an excellent book on dealing with perfectionism
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help with challenges stemming from childhood. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles.
References
(1) Kwon, K.-A., Yoo, G., & Bingham, G. E. (2016). Helicopter parenting in emerging adulthood: Support or barrier for Korean college students’ psychological adjustment? Journal of Child and Family Studies, 25(1), 136–145.
(2) Mara A. Yerkes, Marit Hopman, F. Marijn Stok & John De Wit (2021) In the best interests of children? The paradox of intensive parenting and children’s health, Critical Public Health, 31:3, 349-360, DOI: 10.1080/09581596.2019.1690632
