Talking Therapies: What are they and how do you access them?
Understand common forms of talking therapies and the science underpinning them.
Talking Therapies: The Essential Information
Talking therapies refer to a group of treatments that involves talking with a trained mental health professional. We use these therapies to address emotional and psychological issues.
Terms like 'therapy' and 'counselling' refer to the broader process of working with a professional. By contrast, talking therapies refer to specific approaches used in sessions (e.g., Mindfulness).
We use talking therapies to treat many mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and psychological trauma.
In this article we discuss the following:
The different types of talking therapies
The scientific evidence for their effectiveness
Theories underlying talking therapies
Types of Talking Therapies
Many types of talking therapies are available, each with its own approach and techniques.
Here are some of the most commonly used:
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)
CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on changing negative thoughts and behaviours. It is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are linked. Therefore, addressing one of these elements can effect change in the others.
CBT is often used to treat anxiety and depression. However, we now apply it to various psychological, mental health, and medical issues. We now address anything from eating disorders to long-term physical health conditions via CBT.
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy (PP)
WE base PP on the idea that our unconscious thoughts and experiences shape our behaviour. The therapist and client work together to explore past experiences and emotions to gain insight into current behaviour.
This approach is often used to treat long-standing emotional issues (e.g. Borderline Personality Disorder).
Person-Centred Therapy
Person-centred therapy is known as a non-directive talking therapy. There is a focus on the person's ability to solve their own problems. The therapist provides a supportive and non-judgmental environment where clients can explore their feelings and emotions.
Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)
IPT focuses on a person's relationships. The therapist and client work together to identify and address relationship issues related to mental health problems (e.g., depression)
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
MBCT combines CBT techniques with mindfulness practices to help people better understand their thoughts and emotions. This approach is often used to treat depression and anxiety. Other talking therapies use Mindfulness as part of a broader treatment approach (e.g., Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, DBT).
Scientific Evidence for Talking Therapies
Research has shown that talking therapies can effectively treat various mental health conditions. In particular, CBT is effective in treating anxiety disorders and depression. But, evidence now exists for positive outcomes with other problems (e.g., substance use, eating disorders, low self-esteem).
There is also support for other talking therapies (e.g., PP). However, there tends to be less research on non-CBT therapies.
Here are a couple of example studies:
One study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry found that IPT effectively treats depression (1).
MBCT is a helpful treatment for depression, but we have limited information about long-term effectiveness (2).
Many countries have organisations that review research and provide recommended treatment guidelines. Two examples are:
US- The National Institute of Mental Health
UK- The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE)
Theories Underlying Talking Therapies
There are many different theories underlying talking therapies. Here are some of the most common:
Cognitive Theory: Cognitive theory suggests that our thoughts and beliefs shape our behaviour. CBT is based on this theory, aiming to change negative thoughts and beliefs to improve mental health.
Psychodynamic Theory: Psychodynamic theory suggests that our unconscious thoughts and experiences shape our behaviour. PP is based on this theory, as it aims to help patients gain insight into their unconscious thoughts and experiences.
Humanistic Theory: Humanistic theory suggests that we all have the potential for personal growth and awareness. Person-centred therapy is based on this assumption. This talking therapy aims to provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment where patients can explore their feelings and emotions.
Interpersonal Theory: Interpersonal theory suggests that our relationships with others shape our behaviour. IPT applies this theory. It aims to identify and address interpersonal issues contributing to the patient's symptoms.
Talking Therapies Service
You have several options for accessing talking therapies. You can request a GP referral to a public (NHS) service. Each UK region has a local NHS talking therapies service. These services are called Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) Services.
Public sector services usually offer free treatment for common mental health problems. However, there can be waiting times of several months or longer if your referral is accepted.
Find more information on the NHS website. You can also seek help from a private mental health service or psychological therapy service.
About Us
We are a small team of experienced Coaching and Clinical Psychologists providing a range of talking therapies. We each have over ten years experience providing evidence based approaches for various psychological challenges.
We are a convenient alternative to face-to-face sessions as people can access our service globally. Our structured, practical approach gets results. In addition, we are a friendly, down-to-earth service.
Learn more about the team, or book your free meet and greet session today.
Summary
Talking therapies can be effective with various psychological and mental health challenges. These interventions are best delivered by experienced practitioners in a supportive environment. Many people feel hesitant to seek psychological help, but excellent results are possible for those who start this process.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We specialise in using evidence-based talking therapies. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Demeaning Behaviour And How To Respond
How to spot and respond to this difficult behaviour.
Demeaning Definition And How To Recognise This Behaviour
Demeaning behaviour is a common problem faced by many people. Whether it occurs at work, school, or even among friends and family, demeaning behaviour can be detrimental to our psychological health (e.g., social anxiety, reduced self-esteem). In this article, we will explore demeaning behaviour and how to recognise it in others.
What is Demeaning Behaviour?
Demeaning behaviour is any action or communication that makes someone else feel inferior or less valuable than they actually are.
This behaviour comes in many different forms. Expressions of demeaning behaviour may include verbal, non-verbal, and overt behaviours.
One of the most insidious aspects of demeaning behaviour is that it often happens gradually over time. The person who is being demeaned may not even realise what's happening until their mental health has been eroded away.
How to Recognise Demeaning Behaviour
Recognising demeaning behaviour in others can be challenging because it can occur subtly. However, here are some potential warning signs:
Verbal Insults and/or put-downs.
Nonverbal behaviours such as rolling eyes, sighing or looking distracted.
Physical behaviours such as pushing, shoving, or other aggressive physical actions.
Undermining your confidence by questioning your abilities or belittling your accomplishments.
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Dealing with Demeaning Behaviour
Dealing with demeaning behaviour can be challenging. Here are some tips on how to handle this situation:
Signal disapproval: Let the person know that their behaviour is not acceptable
Set boundaries: set boundaries for how you expect to be treated.
Be clear: Specify the specific behaviours that appear to represent demeaning behaviour.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family members, or a colleague about what you're experiencing to gather support during difficult times.
Consider walking away: If the situation becomes too toxic or dangerous, consider walking away from the relationship altogether.
Summary
Recognising and dealing with demeaning behaviour can be challenging but it's important to safeguard ourselves. We can promote more acceptable behaviour by setting boundaries and seeking support when necessary.
Further reading:
Dealing with Difficult People by HBR Press.
Coping with belittling behaviour.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help tackle demeaning behaviour. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
What Are Compulsions?
Understand compulsions and distinguish them from other behaviour.
Compulsion Definition, Explanation & Response Options
Problem or negative behaviours can take many forms. Examples include:
Impulsive or risky behaviour
Alcohol or drug abuse
Excessive shopping or gambling
Verbal, physical, or psychological abuse
Aggressive outbursts
Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
Withdrawal from social activities
Compulsions are a particular form of problematic behaviour. As practitioner psychologists, we are interested in identifying and reducing compulsions because they are associated with various performance and well-being issues.
What Are Compulsions?
Compulsions are behaviours an individual feels compelled to perform. Common compulsions include:
Washing hands excessively
Checking locks multiple times
Counting objects repeatedly
Repetitive rearrangement of items
These urges are usually due to recurrent intrusive thoughts or images. In essence, compulsions are unwanted repetitious behaviours in response to intrusive thoughts or feelings of fear or dread.
These behaviours often do not make logical sense and can disrupt everyday life.
Psychological research has shown that compulsions are associated with specific mental health issues (e.g., depression, anxiety) and reduced quality of life (1, 2).
Compulsions can also indicate an underlying mental health condition, such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Compulsions are behaviours or mental acts that people with (OCD) feel driven to perform in response to obsessions (see below).
Related Concepts
Compulsions frequently occur in response to obsessive thoughts. Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, feelings, images or urges that cause distress. They are intrusive and unwanted and can be difficult to control. As a result, people who suffer from obsessions put significant time in effort into their control.
People use compulsions to reduce the distress caused by obsessions. Maladaptive behaviours, on the other hand, are any act that hinders one's ability to function well. In addition, the latter can prevent one from achieving desired goals. Compulsions tend to be more focused on some specific action. By contrast, maladaptive behaviours are often broader and encompass many different areas of a person's life.
Summary
Compulsions are behaviours designed to reduce the distress associated with unwanted or unpleasant thoughts. While they might provide relief, this benefit is usually short-lived. Furthermore, these behaviours lead to negative consequences and can represent an underlying mental health condition.
It is vital to seek professional help if you suspect the presence of compulsions. These behaviours usually require additional input to achieve sustainable positive change. Effective treatments are available for compulsions and any underlying mental health conditions. Our team can advise you on this further.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help you deal with compulsions and related problems. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Sharma, E., Sharma, L. P., Balachander, S., Lin, B., Manohar, H., Khanna, P., Lu, C., Garg, K., Thomas, T. L., Au, A. C. L., Selles, R. R., Højgaard, D. R. M. A., Skarphedinsson, G., & Stewart, S. E. (2021). Comorbidities in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Across the Lifespan: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Frontiers in psychiatry, 12, 703701. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.703701
(2) Coluccia, A., Fagiolini, A., Ferretti, F., Pozza, A., Costoloni, G., Bolognesi, S., & Goracci, A. (2016). Adult obsessive–compulsive disorder and quality of life outcomes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Asian Journal of Psychiatry, 22, 41-52. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ajp.2016.02.001
Social Media, Depersonalization, And You
Social depersonalization effects of social media
It is no surprise that social media has changed our lives in profound ways. What many people don't realise, however, is that it may also be negatively affecting how we perceive and interact with other people.
Depersonalization (and Derealization)
Depersonalization refers to a situation where the self feels unreal. This can be experienced in different ways, ranging from feeling detached from one's body and/or the external world to feeling less real. Some people report the experience of being 'outside their body', particularly during an intense or horrible event.
Occasional depersonalization in mild forms is not necessarily cause for concern. However, persistent, strong episodes warrant professional assessment. Extreme versions of depersonalization may be classified as a stand-alone condition or syndrome. Serious depersonalization can also be experienced during traumatic events, with some medical diagnoses (e.g., forms of epilepsy), and in certain mental health conditions (e.g., schizophrenia).
We can measure depersonalization. Doing so is important in clinical practice and research. A leading questionnaire is the Cambridge Depersonalization Scale (CDS-29). Reading scale items can give you a better feel for this concept.
Derealization is a related concept. This phenomenon is marked by a sense that the self or the world isn't real. This situation might resemble a dream-like state or a sense that you are observing events from outside your body (depersonalization).
Social Media
Scientists have attempted to tackle key questions regarding the outcomes of social media use. A recent online study examined the relationship between social connectivity and digital engagement (1). Increased time online was associated with depersonalization. Study authors suggested that "...sedentary, and hyper digitalized lifestyle habits that may induce feelings of living in one’s ‘head’ (mind), disconnected from one’s body, self and the world."
Increased social media use appears to have several negative effects on social interaction (2). For example, an increased amount of time on social media is linked to more relationship problems (3) and decreased relationship satisfaction (4).
Keeping Connected
Regular offline contact with others is vital to combat the risk of depersonalization, develop social skills, and feel a genuine connection to people. Here are three suggestions that you can put into practice right now:
The simplest strategy is to get out meeting people on a regular basis. Avoid long periods of isolation. Social media use is ok in moderation. But, ensure you have breaks from your digital devices and use online time to develop your offline social support network
Keeping connected to your physical and social environment via mindful engagement. You can try anything from the raisin exercise to mindful breathing and having a 'no screen rule' when out with family and friends.
You can also develop your active listening skills. This can be achieved by utilising strategies such as listening intently, asking clarification questions, checking your understanding, and non-verbal reinforcers (e.g., nodding, saying 'Ak ok').
Summary
Overall, social media has brought us closer in our ability to communicate quickly and easily. But it has drawbacks. Scientific research indicates excessive online activity is bad for our health and relationships.
Like many things in life, moderation is key with social media. The above strategies are just a taste of the possibilities.
Remember to seek professional help if you are experiencing depersonalization or derealization on a regular basis. Also, consider reaching out for additional help if you experience persistent problems in your social interactions (e.g., social anxiety, social skills difficulties, loneliness, etc).
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help you create a healthy online life. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Ciaunica, A., McEllin, L., Kiverstein, J. et al. Zoomed out: digital media use and depersonalization experiences during the COVID-19 lockdown. Sci Rep 12, 3888 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-07657-8
(2) Kolhar, M., Kazi, R. N. A., & Alameen, A. (2021). Effect of social media use on learning, social interactions, and sleep duration among university students. Saudi Journal of Biological Sciences, 28(4), 2216-2222. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sjbs.2021.01.010
(3) Bouffard, S., Giglio, D., & Zheng, Z. (2021). Social Media and Romantic Relationship: Excessive Social Media Use Leads to Relationship Conflicts, Negative Outcomes, and Addiction via Mediated Pathways. Social Science Computer Review. https://doi.org/10.1177/08944393211013566
(4) Quiroz, S. I., & Mickelson, K. D. (2021). Are online behaviors damaging our in-person connections? Passive versus active social media use on romantic relationships. Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 15(1), Article 1. https://doi.org/10.5817/CP2021-1-1
Here's How To Talk To Anyone
How To Talk To Anyone: The Practical Guide
We are social beings. Being connected to others is good for our health. However, conversations with people sometimes feel uncomfortable. Some people even experience severe social anxiety.
Thankfully, there are lots of helpful strategies to promote positive social interactions. You can learn effective verbal and behaviour strategies, whether it is small talk or an important moment with a conversation partner.
We have compiled several tips to encourage a positive experience when you talk to people.
General Guidelines
Here are some key strategies, regardless of the conversational situation:
Give people your full attention. Active listening skills are part of the conversational foundation. Fully engaged listening requires attention towards what the person is conveying, not interrupting, and maintaining good eye contact.
Test your understanding. You can check understanding via questions (e.g., You're interested in learning more, but it would be hard to make the time?). Paraphrasing also conveys listening and comprehension (e.g., so you're saying this job has been challenging but a great experience overall).
Show interest in the other person. Good conversations come from genuine interest. Immerse yourself in what others are saying. Aim to listen and understand the other person first.
See both (or all) parties as being equally important in an exchange. This helps to promote a positive interaction and warm response between the parties.
Use conversational skills to improve. You can only develop listening and conversational skills through repeated practising.
Seek help if your anxiety gets in the way. Many people suffer from significant anxiety in social situations. These guidelines will not be enough to progress. Additional specialist help can go a long way to reducing anxiety.
Be realistic in your conversation experiences. Conversations never go perfectly. Expect to have some ups and downs.
Tips for Introducing Yourself
Introducing yourself can be a nerve-wracking experience. So here are some tips for making a confident introduction:
Be aware of your physical presence. Stand tall and make eye contact with the other person. Smile and shake hands if possible.
State your name in a clear and confident way.
Speak slowly. Reducing your pace gives you time to think and helps ensure the other person understands you.
Be brief with an initial introduction.
Switch the focus to the other person. Show genuine interest and ask them questions. But leave the conversation one-sided. Give and take is required for a flowing interaction.
Body language
Non-verbal communication and behaviours are essential elements in a conversation. The tone of voice, eye contact, and body posture are just a few of these components. Here are important principles to follow:
Make eye contact. Visual focus shows you are genuinely interested in the other person.
Smile. Smile often to signal friendliness and engagement.
Demonstrate attentiveness. Lean forward slightly when listening to show that you are engaged in the conversation.
Use gestures to enhance communication. Use your hands to emphasise points or make small gestures like nodding to encourage and show agreement or understanding.
Effective Conversation Starters
Conversation starters can be tricky, but it may help to prepare options ahead of time. Here are three suggestions:
Ask open-ended questions. These questions allow for a more interesting conversation flow. Examples include: "What do you like to do in your free time?" or "How did you get involved in [x activity]?"
Share some information about yourself. Speaking about yourself gives the other person something to work with. Providing this information promotes a balanced exchange and provides material for follow-up questions.
Some people benefit from mentioning social discomfort as a light-hearted way to get talking.
Starting Conversations With A Stranger
Starting conversations with strangers can be especially nerve-wracking. But having a clear game plan will help you be successful. Here are some tips for making conversation with anyone you meet.
Smile and make eye contact right away. This will let the person you are talking to know that you're open and interested in what they have to say.
Make use of open questions. Again, this encourages good conversational flow, shows interest, and gives you material to work with.
Find common ground to discuss. Look for subjects that promote connection. This can include shared hobbies, people you know, or common experiences (e,g., discuss a shared holiday destination).
Do not force a conversation. You usually do not have to continue conversations that are not flowing smoothly. If possible, politely excuse yourself instead of trying to continue.
Be mindful of body language. Maintain an open body posture, keep appropriate eye contact and use 'non-verbal reinforcers' (e.g., nodding, saying "Ah ok" or "Interesting").
Anxiety
There are many reasons for experiencing anxiety in social settings. Common examples include:
Fear of negative evaluation
Doing something embarrassing
Being under threat from others (e.g., aggression)
Fear of being uninteresting or boring
Anxiety is logical given the importance of social connection. However, our ability to 'perform' is often harmed when anxiety gets out of control. Furthermore, people tend to use unhelpful strategies in response to their anxiety (e.g., avoiding other people).
It is important to be alert to increasing anxiety and the emergence of problem behaviours. When anxiety is relatively low, most people can feel more comfortable by spending lots of time with others. Anxious individuals can use the following strategies in addition to the suggestions provided in this article:
Practice diaphragm breathing before and during an interaction
Use positive coping statements to counter worst case scenario thinking
Focus your attention on other people and away from monitoring your body for signs of stress
Social anxiety can escalate to Social Anxiety Disorder. This condition reflects a severe level of anxiety that greatly interferes with daily life.
We strongly encourage you to seek professional assessment and help if you suspect a serious anxiety issue. We have effective treatments for this problem. You do not have to continue suffering.
Summary
Everyone can improve their ability to talk with other people. The key to success is having a set of strategies you practice regularly. Seek additional help if high anxiety levels prevent you from enjoying interactions and achieving social life goals.
Our team provides practical advice and strategies to help people communicate effectively and positively interact with others. We also support people who experience specific interactional difficulties and social anxiety.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Dealing with Worst Case Scenario Thinking
Dealing With The Worst Case Scenario
The Worst Case Scenario (WCS) is the tendency for our brains to imagine the worst possible outcome from a situation. Here are a few examples:
Sitting an exam and thinking 'I will fail and never finish my degree'
Giving a presentation at work and thinking 'I will mess this up, people will refuse to work with me and I will get fired'
Going on a date and thinking 'They will think I'm an idiot, and I will die lonely and miserable'
Extreme stuff. But very common for people to think in this way. Thankfully, there are practical strategies to deal with this issue.
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Why Brain, Why?
First, we must consider why our brain leaps to this extreme thinking.
Keeping us alive is the most important job our brain does. It prioritises this responsibility over everything else....for obvious reasons.
The brain, therefore, tends to take a 'better safe than sorry' approach to risk detection and responding. By imagining WCSs, your brain thinks it is being helpful by identifying extreme versions of all possible risks. This strategy forces your attention towards perceived threats, rather than less pressing activities (e.g., playing Candy Crush Saga).
Here is the key question to ask when considering the function of this thinking style:
'Is WCS thinking the BEST way to detect and manage potential threats?'
For most people, the answer is no. Largely because this method comes with greatly increased stress and anxiety. Running through multiple horrific outcomes for a situation is not particularly relaxing.
Here is the next question to ask yourself:
'What are the options for threat detection that do not result in excessive anxiety?'
Considering alternative strategies give you an escape route from WCS thinking.
Distorted Thinking
WCS thinking is actually an example of cognition gone off the rails. We often label illogical or inaccurate thoughts as heuristics, cognitive distortions or thinking errors. WCS comes from the distorted category called catastrophising. This cognitive phenomenon occurs when a person fears an extreme, negative scenario playing out for them.
WSC often represents additional distortions, such as fortune telling. This other thinking error occurs when we act as if we can predict the future.
We are all prone to various cognitive distortions. This is a fact of life no matter how clever you are. Spotting and responding to thinking errors is a helpful way to neutralise their negative effects.
Assess The Likelihood
We have already covered one tactic; considering the best strategy for threat detection and management. However, you have other options.
Your brain is likely thinking in terms of possibility, not probability.
Almost anything is technically possible. Or at least, you cannot rule out many things with 100% certainty. For example, you could get abducted by aliens today. Life evolved on Earth, so why not elsewhere given the effectively infinite nature of the universe?
However, how much would you wager if you had to put money on this happening? Chances are, you wouldn't bet the house on the spaceship arriving. We shouldn’t put too much effort into planning and mitigation if the probability is low.
Responding via probability-based thinking can be undertaken in other ways. For instance, these questions further delve into WSC likelihood:
Do I have concrete evidence for this WCS occurring?
How often has a WCS actually happened in the past?
Is there a more likely, less catastrophic outcome from this situation?
Calling out and challenging cognitive distortions embedded in WCS thinking is a helpful way to neutralise these thinking errors.
Plan For The Worst
Some people get relief from WCS thinking by assuming the worst, then making a concrete response plan. The logic here is that you may feel reassured knowing a set of coping instructions exist. This strategy can both reduce and increase anxiety, depending on the individual.
Here are the steps:
Write down the WCS in detail. Specific exactly what will happen, where, how, and involving whom.
Next, brainstorm all possible responses to the WCS.
Pick the most helpful responses and arrange them into a plan you can follow if disaster strikes.
File this plan away somewhere, then focus on some of the other strategies above.
If it works for you, great. If it makes you feel worse, then don’t use this tactic.
Summary
Bad things occasionally can and do happen to people. However, WCSs often do not occur. This cognitive distortion is your brain's attempt to identify threats. But there are better ways to cope with threats.
By identifying and challenging thinking errors of this type, you can reduce the negative impact of WCS thinking when it does arise.
Further reading
Thinknetic has authored a useful book summarising a range of cognitive biases
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Superiority Complex
The Complex of Superiority: What You Need to Know
The term superiority complex refers to a set of thoughts, behaviours, and personality traits marked by an inflated sense of self-worth and importance. This state involves feeling entitled and superior to others.
These are some other signs of a superiority complex:
Extremely high self-esteem
Exaggerates abilities
Feels a need to dominate others
Is hostile and dismissive when they perceive others as inferior.
Displays grandiose behaviour (e.g., inflating and boasting about their accomplishments)
Belittling others
A desire to control others
Expecting privileges due to their perceived superior status
Individuals with a superiority complex may not be aware of their beliefs and behaviours. An extremely high opinion of self may lead a person to consider themselves as more intelligent or capable than others.
Sometimes, these people isolate themselves, believing only they can understand their true potential. This behaviour may lead to feelings of loneliness and rejection.
People with a superiority complex may also be perfectionists. Consequently, an individual will hold themselves to extremely high standards. Unfortunately, such expectations can also lead to psychological distress (e.g., mood swings) when not met.
What Causes The Superiority Complex?
Why people develop a superiority complex is not clear. However, psychologists have identified several theories about the complex of superiority. Examples include:
Alfred Adler's notion of individual psychology
Sigmund Freud's concept of narcissism
Melanie Klein's psychoanalytic theories
Carl Jung's archetypes.
Adler believed that individuals' behaviour is driven by their desire for power and superiority. He believed this focus on superiority leads to an aggressive attitude to fulfil a person's desire to feel better than others.
Freud suggested that feelings of superiority can be a form of narcissism. People try to make themselves feel special or superior to compensate for a sense of inferiority. This theory ultimately relates to clinical personality conditions (e.g., narcissistic personality disorder). Psychiatric diagnosis systems describe these diagnoses (e.g., the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM V).
Klein was one of the first to discuss the idea of a superiority complex in working with clients. She argued that individuals develop these complexes as a defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority. The feeling of being superior provides a sense of control over their lives.
Finally, Jung proposed that archetypes can influence our behaviour when dealing with our perceived superiority. An elevated sense of self can lead to behaviours such as pride and arrogance.
It is likely that no one theory fully captures the superiority complex. Instead, psychological, biological, and environmental factors may all contribute. For instance, some believe superiority links to past traumas, difficulties in social interactions, lack of empathy, or early temperament.
People experiencing significant consequences from superiority often require professional help (e.g., Clinical Psychologist) to cope with challenges that arise. Talking therapy can provide tools for managing problematic thinking and behaviours. Intervention can help individuals understand their difficulties and develop positive social behaviours.
Coping With A Superiority Complex: Helpful Tips And Advice
Dealing with someone who has a superiority complex can be challenging.
Despite the challenging behaviour, it's important to remember that the person may not be aware of their problematic thoughts and behaviours. So here are some tips for coping with someone who has a superiority complex:
Remain calm: It can be easy to become frustrated or angry when dealing with someone with a superiority complex. Step away from the situation if possible. People find it difficult to remain rational when angry or upset.
Use simple, clear communication: Short, straightforward statements are crucial in conveying information. The person may be preoccupied with their own objectives. Simplified, direct language helps you to be heard.
Consider minimising contact if the person does not play an important role in your life.
Set clear behaviour boundaries and enforce these where necessary. Being clear on what you will and will not tolerate helps to protect yourself.
Get support. Behaviours associated with a superiority complex are challenging. Coping as part of a team will boost your resources.
Treat the person concerned with respect, but be prepared to walk away when they are not prepared to consider your perspective.
Summary
A superiority complex is a psychological condition that affects how individuals perceive themselves relative to others.
We recommend you seek professional help if you suspect an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority. This support can help you learn effective coping strategies and gain insight into your condition.
Dealing with someone with a superiority complex can be difficult, but strategies are available. Options include remaining calm, maintaining personal boundaries, seeking support and displaying positive behaviour.
Further reading:
Lots of books are available on personality types and problems. There’s a lot of rubbish out there, so take care when picking something up off the bookshelf. Here are a couple of useful resources:
Livesley & Larstone’s handbook on personality disorders is a good overview of the subject, taking an academic approach.
Here is an example of the skills people can develop to manage their relationship and emotional difficulties.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Toxic Relationship Quotes As Guidance
Toxic Relationship Quotes And What They Can Teach Us
Relationships are an integral part of life. When they’re healthy, they can bring us joy, support, and connection. But when they turn toxic, they can be damaging to our well-being.
Toxic people and relationships often leave someone feeling drained and exhausted. Fortunately, there are many quotes out there to help understand and break free if you're considering leaving a toxic relationship.
Some quotes
"Sometimes the person you love most is the person you can't trust at all." -Anonymous
This quote serves as a reminder that not all relationships (short or long term) are meant to last forever; even if the toxic partner once meant so much to us.
It's important to acknowledge that sometimes the person we love most is capable of causing us harm or pain. We need to prioritise our safety and wellbeing in these circumstances.
“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” -Ernest Hemingway
This Ernest Hemingway quote speaks volumes about what happens when we become so enmeshed in our partner's needs that we forget about our own. This can be a common occurrence in toxic relationships where one partner seeks control over the other.
It's important to remember that while we should always strive for healthy relationships, sacrificing our own happiness and wellbeing isn't worth it in the end.
Red flags
Look out for the following red flags suggesting an unhealthy or abusive relationship:
Any kind of threats, intimidation, or physical violence. These signs are cause for taking immediate action to protect yourself.
Psychological abuse: put-downs, gaslighting, blaming you for all relationship problems. These are just a few examples of abusive behaviour.
Lack of respect
Communication problems
Unrealistic expectations of you and/or the relationship
Inflexibility, or unwillingness to compromise and see things from a different perspective
Psychological damage is likely when you stay in an unhealthy relationship. You probably need to leave if the other person is unwilling to change their behaviour.
"It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces." -Ella Harper
“A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt but eventually, you will heal.” -Autumn Kohler
“No partner in a love relationship… should feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable.” -May Sarton
Moving Forward
When a relationship isn’t working anymore, sometimes it’s better to just move on. Here are some wise words from famous figures that may give you the strength you need to make that decision:
“Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.” - Nicole Sobon
“You have to accept that some people are never going to be in your life—no matter how much you want them to be.” – Unknown
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we deserve so much more than we're settling for.” - Mandy Hale
“You make me feel like a firefly. Trapped in a bell jar; starved for love.” - Ayushee Ghoshal
Poisonous relationships can alter our perception of reality. They can also be isolating. Stay connected with trusted friends and family for alternative perspectives. You can spend years thinking you’re worthless. A counterpoint is needed to preserve self image.
Summary
Moving on from a toxic relationship is no easy task. But these quotes serve as an inspiring reminder that it is possible. A broken heart is devastating, but a destroyed self-image is worse.
If you're struggling with getting out of an unhealthy relationship right now, keep these words close by as reminders of why taking care of yourself is so important.
Most crucially, you must seek help and support immediately if you are at risk of harm from your partner.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help with your relationship difficulties. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Deflection: Definition and Solutions
Deflection Meaning: Definition, Function and Alternatives
Deflection is a psychological coping mechanism. This behaviour involves moving attention away from an uncomfortable situation to something else.
This strategy can help people avoid tough topics or emotions. But it can also be a control tactic.
In this article, we will explore the function of deflection. We also give alternative behaviours for those uncomfortable situations.
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Definition of Deflection
Deflection is a defence strategy. In other words, it is an attempt to cope with unpleasant inner states or situations (e.g., anxiety, conflict). A person doesn't have to deal immediately with a challenging situation when attention is diverted elsewhere.
People can deflect from inner experiences, such as thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. Alternatively, people can avoid discussing difficult topics or escape unpleasant physical locations.
Common examples of deflection include:
Shifting blame to someone else
Using humour or sarcasm
Making excuses
Rationalising behaviour
Denying the truth
Creating distractions.
The Function of Deflection
Deflection is all about protecting ourselves from difficult emotions and conversations. Firstly, it allows us to maintain the perception of self-protectiveness by refusing to acknowledge mistakes and potential criticism or judgement.
Secondly, deflecting responsibility onto another person allows us to keep our sense of moral superiority intact. As a result, we can feel more comfortable when another person is at fault.
Thirdly, deflection acts as an emotional buffer. We do not have to deal with feelings directly when we focus away from the thing making us feel uncomfortable.
Finally, deflection provides us with perceived social approval. Instead of having honest conversations about uncomfortable topics, we can deflect without fear of judgement from others.
Alternative Behaviours To Deflection
The good news is that healthy alternatives to deflection exist.
Deflection drives 'experiential avoidance'. Eventually, difficulties and tough issues come back to bite us when left unresolved. Putting off these challenges leads to more significant problems long-term.
Here are alternative behaviours to cope with difficulties and move forward positively:
Acknowledge your feelings. Take some time out and permit yourself to feel whatever is occurring in a difficult moment. Some people benefit from mindfulness exercises or simply 'noticing and naming' difficult inner states.
Imagine the worst-case scenario. Consider the worst-case scenario if you were to stop deflecting. Be honest about this, no matter how hysterical this outcome might seem to your rational brain. How likely is this outcome in the real world? What is a more likely outcome?
Be honest. Try and remain honest about how you are feeling and what challenges you are facing. Using distraction and thought distortions (e.g., minimising problems) are ineffective long-run strategies.
Express understanding. Try to show empathy towards yourself and other people. You can achieve this by expressing understanding through active listening techniques. Try this four-step method.
Focus on problem-solving. Put your energy into finding solutions rather than dwelling on the discomfort. Try brainstorming ideas to come up with creative ways for everyone to move forward positively together.
Summary
Deflection can be a useful coping mechanism on the surface. But, the drawbacks of this strategy become clear when you think of the long-term implications of this approach.
Try the above strategies next time you notice deflection behaviour. Facing discomfort straight away will probably make life much easier in the long run. Consider seeking additional support if your deflection behaviour is getting out of hand and causing chaos in your life.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help if you’re deflecting too much. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
BACP Find a Therapist
BACP Find a Therapist: The Role of Professional Bodies
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) is a professional body for psychotherapists in the United Kingdom.
There are several professional and registering bodies in most countries. This can create confusion when researching potential therapists and evaluating their credentials.
You need to look out for two types of professional organisations:
Those involved in promoting a profession or professional group
Those responsible for registering or licencing practitioners
The BACP belongs to both groups. This organisation is concerned with maintaining professional standards and related activities which range from promoting a profession to commenting on key health and social issues. These organisations tend to be non-profit and sometimes registered charities.
However, the BACP also accredits therapists. An accredited therapist is deemed to have met the requirements for the professional skills prescribed by this body. 'Accredited therapist' is a common term used across organisations. However, you will also come across terms such as 'registered' or ‘licenced'.
In the UK, other major organisations for talking therapists include:
Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC): Registering body
Association of Clinical Psychologists (ACP): Standards and promotion
British Psychological Society (BPS): Standards and promotion
British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP): Standards and promotion
So, you need to ask a practitioner about their registering/licencing/accreditation body and their professional body. This may all be wrapped up in one organisation.
The difference between all these organisations tends to involve the types of talking therapists they encompass. The BACP, for example, cover counsellors and psychotherapists. the ACP represents Clinical Psychologists.
What's the difference between these groups? It's confusing, so here are some articles to help:
Be Cautious
Therapy is not for everyone. It is not the only solution to psychological distress.
We strongly encourage you to seek professional support for serious mental health issues. But, there are many 'therapeutic' options for less severe difficulties. Experienced, professional therapists should let you know when formal treatment is unnecessary.
Related Articles
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How To Recognise And Cope With Bitterness
Meaning of Bitterness: What it is and How to Reduce It
We've all experience bitterness at some point in our lives. Whether it's the result of a romantic breakup, falling out with a friend, or losing a job, the experience of bitterness is universal.
But what exactly is bitterness? And what role does it play in our lives?
In this blog post, we'll take a closer look at the concept of bitterness and explore its meaning and psychological significance. We'll also discuss some common causes and offer tips for reducing bitterness.
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As a result, we may withdraw from those who hurt us and build walls to protect ourselves from further pain.
The Psychology of Bitterness
A sense of injustice or betrayal often causes bitterness. It can be challenging to let go of negative feelings and move on when we feel mistreated. Instead, we may hold onto them and allow them to fester. Over time, these feelings can turn into resentment and bitter animosity towards those who have hurt us.
While feeling angry or resentful after experiencing a personal injury is normal, it's important to recognise when these feelings are no longer serving us well. When bitterness starts to consume us and prevent us from living life, we need to take action to reduce its hold on us.
How to Reduce Bitterness in Our Lives
If you find yourself struggling with bitterness, there are several things you can do to reduce its impact:
Notice and name feelings: It's tempting to ignore or suppress difficult emotions. Read this article on mentally unhooking from feelings like bitterness.
Identify core values: Core values provide a meaningful reference point for future action. This article helps you identify your values.
Take actions consistent with core values: Next, brainstorm behaviours consistent with your values. This approach allows you to respond to bitterness with dignity.
Free up your thinking by challenging unhelpful thinking patterns. Difficult emotions often trigger problematic thoughts. Read this article to learn how to spot these cognitions.
Summary
Feeling angry or resentful after experiencing personal injury or betrayal is normal. However, we need to recognise when these feelings start consuming us.
You can do several things to reduce the impact on your life. We have provided a few suggestions, but additional strategies are available. By following these tips, you can start reducing the impact of bitterness on your life.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help if you’re struggling with feelings of bitterness. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Are You A Functioning Alcoholic?
What Does It Mean To Be A Functioning Alcoholic?
A functioning alcoholic is a non-medical term for people dependent on alcohol but still able to hold their lives together. This means the person can maintain employment and get through necessary life activities (e.g., paying bills, keeping a social life).
Often, these individuals are high-functioning individuals who have learned to "mask" their difficulties. While they may not show all the traditional signs of alcohol addiction, they still suffer many of the same negative consequences.
This article covers the essentials of this topic. We also identify treatment options for people concerned about their drinking.
Signs And Symptoms Of Functional Alcoholism
Functional alcoholism is a bit of a misnomer. The truth is that no one truly functions well when they're struggling with alcohol dependency. That said, some people are better able to hide the signs of a drinking problem than others.
Most of us have demanding professional and personal schedules. What's more, life is full of stressors and worries. Alcohol is self-medication for stress. The pleasant effects we get through distraction and intoxication often drive frequent use. So, it’s not surprising increased alcohol use is associated with factors like long work hours (1).
Holding down a relatively stable life can mask struggles with alcohol. There are many signs and symptoms of functional alcoholism that family, friends, and co-workers can look out for. Some of these signs and symptoms of an alcohol use disorder include:
Drinking more than intended or more often than planned.
Needing to drink increasing amounts for the same effect (tolerance to alcohol).
Experiencing withdrawal symptoms (e.g., shaking, sweating).
Neglecting responsibilities at work or home in favour of drinking or recovering from a hangover.
Drinking in secret or lying about consumption quantity.
Withdrawing from social activities or hobbies that don't revolve around drinking.
Having financial, legal, or relationship problems as a result of drinking.
Needing alcohol to relax.
Feeling guilty or ashamed about drinking habits but being unable to cut back.
What Causes Alcoholism?
There is no single cause of alcohol use disorders (AUD). Instead, a combination of factors is usually at play. Here is a short overview of common elements.
Genetic
Studies have shown that variations in specific genes can make people more susceptible to developing alcoholism.
For example, a gene called ADH1B helps to encode an enzyme that assists the breakdown of alcohol in the liver. Variations in this gene have been linked with an increased risk of alcoholism (2).
Variations in another gene called BDNF have also been linked with an increased risk for alcoholism. This gene encodes a protein that helps protect nerve cells from damage. Low levels of BDNF have been associated with an increased risk for alcoholism.
Social factors
While genetics may make some people more vulnerable to alcoholism, it does not mean that addiction is inevitable. Many social factors can play a role in alcohol use problems. For example, peer pressure and socioeconomic status can contribute to problem drinking.
Environmental
Environmental factors also play a role in the development of alcoholism. For example, growing up in homes where alcohol was abused can lead to problems in adult life. This situation 'normalises' unhealthy drinking.
Psychological
Several psychological factors can contribute to the development of alcoholism.
For example, people who suffer from mental health problems like depression or anxiety may turn to alcohol. This can lead to drinking problems down the road. In addition, people with certain medical conditions like chronic pain often turn to alcohol as a coping strategy. Unfortunately, using alcohol in this way can lead to dependence and addiction.
How Can Alcoholism Be Treated?
Alcohol use disorders are huge public health issues. Rates of alcoholism are as high as 20% in some countries (4)
Alcoholism is a serious condition that requires professional treatment to be effectively addressed. Treatment for high-functioning alcoholics encompasses several options. Potential interventions to stop drinking include:
Detoxification programs
Medication (e.g., naltrexone)
Talking therapies and counselling
Self-help and support groups (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous)
Inpatient rehabilitation programs ('alcohol rehab') in a treatment facility.
The critical first step is recognising a problem and seeking help from a qualified professional. If you or someone you know may be struggling with functional alcoholism, please reach out for help. Many resources are available to help you get the help you need.
Talking therapies are an important treatment option. CBT and MI are common approaches used for alcohol problems.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
One of the most popular and effective psychological treatments for alcoholism is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is a therapy that helps people change their thinking and behaviour patterns. CBT for alcoholism treatment typically focuses on helping the individual to identify and avoid triggers that may lead to drinking. This approach also helps people develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stressors.
Motivational Interviewing
Motivational interviewing (MI) is another commonly used psychological approach for alcoholism. MI is a style of counselling that helps people to explore their ambivalence about change. MI ultimately aims to help people commit to behaviour change.
The practitioner will help the individual to discuss their goals, values, and reasons for wanting to change their drinking behaviour. MI can be very effective in helping people to commit to abstinence from alcohol.
Summary
While functional alcoholism may not look like conventional alcoholism, it is still a serious condition. If you think you or someone you know may be suffering from functional alcoholism, please reach out for help. With treatment, it is possible for those suffering from functional alcoholism to recover and live sober, happy, and fulfilling lives.
Lots of additional information can be found online. Examples include:
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Virtanen M, Jokela M, Nyberg S T, Madsen I E H, Lallukka T, Ahola K et al. Long working hours and alcohol use: systematic review and meta-analysis of published studies and unpublished individual participant data BMJ 2015; 350 :g7772 doi:10.1136/bmj.g7772
(2) Li, D., Zhao, H., & Gelernter, J. (2011). Strong Association of The Alcohol Dehydrogenase 1B Gene (ADH1B) With Alcohol Dependence And Alcohol-induced Medical Diseases. Biological psychiatry, 70(6), 504. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2011.02.024
(3) Pandey, S. C. (2016). A Critical Role of Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor in Alcohol Consumption. Biological psychiatry, 79(6), 427. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2015.12.020
(4) https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/alcoholism-by-country
Please Don't 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway'
Don't 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway'
'Feel the fear and do it anyway'.
It's a catchy phrase popularised by author Susan Jeffers in her book of the same name. This advice is designed to inspire people to conquer the anxiety, fear and doubt that prevent a happy and satisfying life.
But, this statement is a misleading and oversimplistic instruction for coping with difficulties. This method can even cause real damage when tackling serious psychological issues like anxiety disorders.
So let's look into the potential pitfalls of this advice along with the alternatives.
Fear And Avoidance
Avoidance is a common (and understandable) response to intense fear or anxiety.
This behaviour occurs because we get short-term relief by steering clear of the anxiety trigger. This respite gives the impression that you're on to a winning strategy. But, this relief never lasts. So, we must use avoidance repeatedly.
Frequent avoidance creates new problems (e.g., relationship damage, delaying important tasks). Eventually, you end up in a worse situation through a downward spiral of increasing anxiety and avoidance. Moreover, avoidance blocks the opportunity to test and disprove fearful predictions.
Facing The Fear
Yes, the answer to the downward spiral of fear and avoidance is to face the fear. But we must carefully plan and control this 'exposure'.
The phrase 'feel the fear and do it anyway' is well-intentioned but overly simplistic. It does not convey the importance of a planned approach. It also fails to provide realistic solutions for dealing with fear or anxiety.
Pushing through fear unprepared can leave us helpless and generate even more distress. Feel the fear and do it anyway also ignores the importance of self-compassion in managing difficult emotions. These abilities are essential for building resilience over time.
It would be great if we could dive in and conquer fear without thinking. But life is not that simple. Instead, you need a methodical approach using anxiety management strategies for long-term success.
The Brain And Learning
Mild to moderate stress creates the best environment for the brain to learn and re-wire itself. Too much stress will overwhelm the body, sending it into survival mode. Your brain cannot switch into growth mode when threatened in this way. Thus, 'diving in the deep end' is not a great idea for facing fears.
The solution is graded exposure combined with anxiety management.
The Alternative Approach
The key steps involved in graded exposure include:
Develop anxiety management strategies. These range from breathing retraining to cognitive strategies (e.g., identifying and evaluating anxious thoughts).
List all the things that trigger anxiety that you want to tackle.
Rank these behaviours and situations from least to most threatening.
Enter the least scary scenario and remain there until the anxiety reduces significantly.
Repeat this 'exposure' many times until most of the anxiety has been eliminated.
Move on to the next item on the list and repeat steps 4 and 5.
Keep moving up the hierarchy until completed.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), mindfulness meditation, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are effective for overcoming fears.
We take graded exposure from CBT. This method focuses on challenging unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours that lead to feelings of worry, unease or panic. It helps people identify irrational beliefs about themselves that cause distress, replacing them with more helpful ones. CBT is also used to identify and eliminate behaviours that keep anxiety going (e.g., avoidance).
Mindfulness meditation is another useful treatment tool. This approach encourages people to pay attention to their thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations without being caught up in them.
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is a third approach to overcoming fear. ACT focuses on helping people to stop suppressing difficult emotions. Skills are taught to promote psychological flexibility. This process involves taking notice of difficult psychological states, keeping in the present moment, and taking actions consistent with life values.
Summary
Yes, we do need to face up to fear and anxiety. But the approach must be planned, carefully structured, and supported by evidence-based anxiety management skills.
Many people unintentionally make matters worse by leaping into the deep end, facing situations without adequate preparation.
Some people need to work with a qualified professional to develop an approach to anxiety that sets them up for long-term success. With a little planning, people can make great progress with their fears.
Further reading:
Managing Anxiety With CBT by Graham Davey and colleagues.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help you develop alternatives to a ‘feel the fear’ approach to life challenges. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Coping With Belittling Behaviour
What Should I Do If Someone Is Belittling Me?
Have you ever been made to feel small by someone? Maybe they spoke to you condescendingly or brushed off your concerns without really listening to them. Or maybe they regularly make snide comments that leave you feeling inferior. If so, then you've experienced belittling behaviour.
Being belittled can be a challenging experience because you can feel insignificant. It may make you question your worth as a person. It can also be tough to deal with because the person doing the belittling is often someone close to you, like a family member, friend, or co-worker. This behaviour can lead to various other problems, like anxiety and low mood.
Belittling someone means treating them in a way that makes them feel less than they are. It's a form of emotional abuse or insensitivity that is sometimes used to make the other person feel weaker. Often, belittling comments and other behaviour can be subtle. What's more, the belittler may not even realise they're doing it.
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Belittling behaviour is unacceptable in any context. This is bullying and even abusive behaviour that should not be allowed to occur.
Why someone might belittle another person
Here are some potential contributors to the behaviour:
They are trying to make themselves feel more powerful or important by putting someone else down.
They have low self-esteem and need to build themselves up by making others feel inferior.
They may be insecure in the relationship and need to control the other person to maintain their status or power within it.
They may believe that making someone else feel small will help them appear more capable or successful in comparison.
It could also be a way for them to try and mask any feelings of jealousy or insecurity about the other person's life, accomplishments, or relationships.
What Should You Do If Someone Is Belittling You?
It's important to remember that you cannot change or fix the other person; only they can do that themselves. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and focus on rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem if it's been damaged by the situation.
Focusing on what you can control might involve any of the following.
First, test the water and let the person know their behaviour is unwanted and/or having a negative impact. Their response to this will help you determine your next strategy.
If the person responds positively (shows genuine concern for your well-being):
Give details on how their behaviour is affecting you. Provide facts in as calm a manner as possible. Resist the urge to lash out or respond angrily. This is easier said than done, but it will raise the chances of a positive outcome.
Give the other person a chance to have their views expressed. This shows respect, and it will be helpful to hear their perspective on the situation.
Be clear on your preferred outcome. For instance, you might want to see a specific change in their behaviour.
Encourage the person to develop skills that reduce the probability of belittling behaviour in future (e.g., learn constructive criticism techniques).
Agree to monitor and follow up in some way (e.g., discuss progress a month from now).
If the person responds negatively (e.g., minimises your concerns):
Seek support from a colleague, friend or family member. Wrapping a support team around you helps build resources and options for dealing with unwanted behaviour.
Take your concerns to someone in a position of authority (e.g., a manager), especially if you cannot avoid interacting with the belittler.
Set firm boundaries where possible. For example, notify the person that you will stop a meeting if the behaviour occurs.
Explore options for additional skill development in dealing with difficult people. You may want to look at professional support in this area.
Summary
No one deserves to be treated poorly. If someone belittles you, know that you have options for responding.
Remember, you cannot change the other person. Only they can do that themselves. But you can influence your own reaction to the situation.
Further reading
About demeaning behaviour
Dealing with insecurity
Learning from toxic relationship quotes
What to do about feeling inferior
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help you manage belittling and other difficult behaviours. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Resilience Meaning, Synonyms and More
Resilience Synonyms and Essential Information
Resilience is the ability to adapt and cope with challenging situations. It involves bouncing back from adversity. But this concept also includes cultivating mental strength to handle tough emotional experiences and finding creative solutions for difficult problems.
Resilience is important for navigating life's challenges and achieving personal growth.
Resilience in Daily Life
Resilience is a psychological quality that enables people to handle difficult situations adaptively and recover quickly from adversity. It has become increasingly important in our lives as the world becomes more complex and uncertain.
The concept of resilience has been studied for many years now. Data suggest that it is a key factor in determining mental health outcomes. Research suggests that resilience plays a significant role in coping with stress, managing negative emotions, and providing some protection from mental health conditions like depression (1).
Resilience has been linked to better performance under stress, more successful problem-solving skills, enhanced creativity and decision-making. Regarding health, it has been linked to quicker recovery from depression and anxiety and improved physical health. Quality of life outcomes include better relationships, greater well-being, and enhanced satisfaction with life.
Some examples of resilience in everyday life include:
getting back up after failing a test
actively seeking help when dealing with a mental health issue
accepting criticism without feeling discouraged
making positive changes after a bad experience
maintaining relationships despite challenges
Resilience may be particularly relevant to those who are facing difficult situations or challenges in their lives. For example, serious illness or death of a loved one. People with a higher level of resilience may also gain benefits in their working lives, such as greater job satisfaction and career success.
Synonyms of resilience further help us to understand this concept. Related words include:
Tenacity
Perseverance
Toughness
Fortitude
Determination
Sturdiness
Enhancing Resilience
There are a host of ways to increase resilience in your life. For instance, techniques based on Mindfulness and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy have shown positive effects (2). Here are examples of some other techniques:
Practising self-care, such as engaging in activities that bring joy and meaning to one's life.
Put time and effort into improving relationships with friends and family members.
Setting realistic goals and expectations.
Accepting help when needed.
Maintaining healthy physical health (e.g., exercising and getting sufficient sleep).
Seeing life's difficulties as opportunities for learning and development.
Cultivating gratitude for the good things in your life.
Summary
Resilience has wide-ranging effects on health and is a skill that can be learned (3). A vast body of research links resilience with various positive health outcomes. People who adopt strategies to increase it can find greater peace of mind and well-being.
Further reading:
Here’s a take on resilience from a physical endurance perspective.
Angela Duckworth’s scientific take on resilience is a reliable information source on this topic.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can help you increase resilience levels. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Imran, A., Tariq, S., Kapczinski, F., & Cardoso, T. A. (2022). Psychological resilience and mood disorders: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Trends in psychiatry and psychotherapy, 10.47626/2237-6089-2022-0524. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.47626/2237-6089-2022-0524
(2) Joyce S, Shand F, Tighe J, et al. Road to resilience: a systematic review and meta-analysis of resilience training programmes and interventions. BMJ Open 2018;8:e017858. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2017-017858
(3) Ferreira, M., Marques, A., & Gomes, P. V. (2021). Individual Resilience Interventions: A Systematic Review in Adult Population Samples over the Last Decade. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(14). https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18147564
Understand And Get On Top Of A Relapse
The Meaning of Relapsed: Why It Happens and What You Can Do
It's not easy to change a long-standing behaviour or fequent substance use. Many people return to unwanted habits on the road to long-term change. Relapse is a normal part of this process. But what exactly is relapse? And why does it happen?
In this blog post, we'll explore the meaning of relapse. We'll also offer some tips on how to reduce the frequency of relapse.
Relapse Defined
Relapse is traditionally defined as a return to drug use after a period of abstinence. However, this concept is of equal relevance to the recurrence of other unwanted behaviours such as gambling or overeating.
Relapse is often preceded by certain warning signs. These indicators include:
Relationship issues
Pressure from other people
Lack of self-belief in your ability to change
Increased anxiety
Relapse is more likely to occur in the presence of warning signs and exposure to triggers (e.g., specific places, people, and activities). A return to unwanted substance use or behaviours often acts as a method to deal with the increased stress.
People who are trying to change their behaviour often experience a period of remission followed by a relapse. This cycle can be frustrating and discouraging, but it's important to understand that relapse is a normal part of the process of changing behaviour. Too many people interpret relapse as 'failure'. This perspective only increases the probability of ongoing relapse.
Just as it takes time to develop an addiction, it takes time—and effort—to overcome one.
While some of these factors are beyond your control, there are steps you can take to prevent relapse.
Strategies
Knowing that relapse will occur means you can prepare. Several strategies are available to respond effectively when problems occur. Some of these tools include:
'Normalising' relapse. Expecting relapse and seeing it as part of the change process reduces the risk of excessive self-criticism. Self-blame, guilt and feelings of hopelessness simply risk prolonging relapse.
Identify situations in which relapse is most likely to occur. Perhaps there is a group of friends who encourage the behaviour you are trying to eliminate. Perhaps you are driven towards unwanted acts when you are tired. Knowing your risky situations allow you to manage them proactively (e.g., avoid spending time with unhelpful peers).
Look out for the signs that relapse has occurred (or is about to occur). Relapse may sneak up on you, so it's important to know the signs and how you intend to respond.
Have someone to reach out to. If relapse occurs, have someone who is part of your response plan. Agree ahead of time on how they will help (e.g., be available to provide transport for a quick escape from a risky situation).
Challenge thoughts related to failure or inability to recover. Several cognitive strategies are available through Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.
Summary
If you're trying to change your behaviour or stop an addiction, understanding relapse is important. There are a number of factors that can contribute to relapse, but there are also steps you can take to prevent it from happening.
With knowledge and effort, you can overcome unwanted behaviour and make lasting changes in your life.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
The Kolb Reflective Cycle And Why You Should Use It
What is the Kolb Reflective Cycle and How Can You Use It?
The Kolb Reflective Cycle (1) is a flexible tool that can be used to improve your performance and well-being. This model provides people with a method of maximising learning from experiences. The cycle is based on adult learning theory and places the reflection process in a learning cycle of four states.
The beauty of the Kolb model is that it can be applied to any experience where you want to maximise learning. Example activities range from improving your mood to implementing a new work delegation method.
Kolb’s Reflective Cycle
The cycle consists of four stages. These are called:
Concrete Experience
Reflective Observation
Abstract Conceptualization
Active Experimentation
Concrete Experience
This stage involves undertaking an action or activity. This experience generates information to reflect upon later in the process. For example, you may attend a training course or read a book. During this stage, it is important to pay attention to what is happening around you and to your own reactions.
Reflective Observation
This is the stage where you reflect on your concrete experience. Here you note information from within and outside your body. For example, you should note the thoughts and emotions you experienced during the activity. Alternatively, you may note any ways in which you were surprised by the activity (e.g., an unexpected reaction from another person).
Abstract Conceptualisation
After gathering information, you turn observations into concepts, explanations and theories. Specifically, it is important to try and explain why the concrete experience led to what you observed. For example, you may speculate that taking more breaks improved productivity because energy levels were sustained for a longer portion of the day.
Active Experimentation
Finally, you put your concepts into action. Taking the learning from Abstract Conceptualisation, you plan your next logical action or activity. This stage will return you back to a new Concrete Experience stage. The subsequent action must be clearly defined.
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Summary
The Kolb Reflective Cycle is a tool that can be used to improve your performance and well-being. Using this model will allow you to continuously learn from your experiences and improve your life. This model provides a structure to go back over key events methodically. Taking the time to identify and explain learning points is a great way to continue developing.
Further reading
Here’s a useful book on reflective practice by Barbara Bassot
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help develop your reflective skills. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Kolb, D., A. (1984). Experiential learning : experience as the source of learning and development. Englewood Cliffs, N.J. :Prentice-Hall.
Here's Why You Should Take Breaks
Take A Break And Improve Your Performance
Did you know that taking breaks is good for productivity? The science of rest and recovery gives a clear message: When you take a break, you return to your work with more energy and focus.
We discuss the neuroscience behind taking breaks and why it is essential for productivity.
The Power Of Breaks
From a neuroscience perspective, taking breaks benefits your physical and mental health. Physically, taking regular breaks allows you to reset your body’s systems and recharge. This helps reduce fatigue and stress levels, making it easier to focus on tasks.
Mentally, stepping away from your work can help stimulate creative thinking and allow your brain to process information more effectively. Regular breaks can help ensure that you can stay productive and creative throughout the day.
Another important benefit of taking a break is that it allows you to reconnect with your environment. It allows you to step away from your work and appreciate the world around you. This can provide a much-needed refresher, allowing you to come back refreshed and in an improved frame of mind.
Finally, taking breaks can help boost productivity in the long run by helping us avoid burnout. Burnout occurs when we push ourselves too hard without giving our minds or bodies a chance to rest and recover. Taking regular breaks helps prevent this from happening, ensuring you can stay productive and energised throughout the day.
Fatigue
Fatigue is a common issue that can significantly impact cognitive functioning. Fatigue often results in decreased attention span, difficulty focusing, and slower reaction times. As fatigue sets in, our ability to think clearly and react quickly diminishes. Additionally, fatigue can lead to impaired decision-making and decreased motivation and productivity.
When we become fatigued, the brain does not receive enough oxygenated blood to keep it functioning optimally. This reduces the activity of neurotransmitters responsible for memory and learning functions. In short, fatigue can impair many critical cognitive functions, which can cause problems with focus, concentration, performance, and decision-making abilities throughout the day.
Taking regular breaks helps combat these effects of fatigue by allowing your mind and body to rest and recharge. This helps ensure that you can stay focused and productive throughout the day while also helping to prevent burnout.
Psychological Hurdles
Taking regular breaks is essential for physical and mental health, yet many people find it hard to take them. This can be due to various psychological barriers that make it challenging to step away from work.
For instance, some may fear that taking a break will make them appear lazy or unproductive in front of their colleagues or superiors. Fear of missing out on key information can also prevent people from stepping away from their desks during the day. Many also struggle with guilt when taking time off – feeling like they’re not doing enough for their job when they should be working instead of taking a break.
Others may feel overwhelmed by the amount of work they have to do and fear taking a break will make it harder to pick up where they left off. This fear of failure can be a significant barrier to taking breaks, as people may feel like they’re not getting enough done when they take time away from work.
Strategies
By understanding the science behind taking a break, you can use this knowledge to help boost your productivity levels and maintain optimal cognitive functioning.
Here are some tips for getting the most out of your break time:
Take a walk or do some light exercise – This will help reset your body and provide a mental boost.
Listen to music or watch something enjoyable – A little entertainment can help reduce stress and give you an emotional lift.
Get away from your workspace – Try to find somewhere new to go during your break so that it feels like a real escape.
Talk to someone – Chatting with someone can be a great way to take your mind off work.
Challenge thoughts that pull you away from taking breaks. We often engage in catastrophising when considering a break. Read more about cognitive distortions and CBT techniques to develop strategies for unhelpful thinking patterns.
Summary
Regular breaks throughout the day can help you stay productive and creative while reducing the risk of longer-term problems (e.g., burnout). The benefits of taking breaks accumulate over time. So, be mindful of unhelpful thinking patterns and other barriers.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help you overcome barriers to taking breaks. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
Interdependence: The meaning and the advantages
Interdependent Meaning And why It’s Important
The term "interdependence" is used a lot these days, but what does it actually mean?
Interdependence is the state of being interconnected with others. More specifically, it is a situation in which two or more people depend on or affect each other such that the actions of one will influence the other.
This means that our well-being is influenced by the actions of those around us. For example, a caregiver's health influences, and is influenced by, the care recipient (1).
This concept has far-reaching implications for our individual and collective health. Let's explore the characteristics and some of the advantages of being interdependent with friends and family.
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Characteristics of Interdependence
There are three main characteristics of interdependence: social connectedness, mutuality, and reciprocity.
Social connectedness refers to the idea that we are all connected to each other through our social networks. These networks provide us with a sense of belonging and community. They also give us a way to share resources and support each other. Social support buffers us against mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
Mutuality is the recognition that we all have something to contribute and that we all have something to gain from working together. We can achieve more by working together towards a common goal than we could ever achieve on our own.
Reciprocity is the process of balanced give-and-take in relationships. Sometimes we take support and resources, other times we provide these things. Interdependence breaks down when one person only gives or takes.
When we help others, they are more likely to help us in return. This creates a positive spiral of giving and receiving that benefits everyone.
Advantages of Being Interdependent
There are many advantages to being interdependent with friends and family. Several outcomes have been studied. Here are some example benefits reported by researchers:
Improved relationship quality (2)
Improved well-being in individuals (1)
Improved physical health (3)
Roadblocks
Various individual and relationship issues can get in the way of interdependence. Here are a few examples:
Difficulties with attachment styles, including anxious and avoidant tendencies
Being a people pleaser
Unhelpful gender socialisation, such as traditional masculinity
Summary
Interdependence is a state of being interconnected with others. This means that our well-being is dependent on the well-being of those around us.
This concept has far-reaching implications for our individual and collective well-being.
It is important to understand the characteristics of interdependence and the advantages of being interdependent. This knowledge can help us create more supportive and cooperative relationships that benefit everyone involved.
We are Coaching & Clinical Psychologists with extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help you develop healthy independence. Read more about our work, watch practical skills videos or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.
References
(1) Ferraris, G., Dang, S., Woodford, J., & Hagedoorn, M. (2022). Dyadic Interdependence in Non-spousal Caregiving Dyads' Wellbeing: A Systematic Review. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 882389. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.882389
(2) Cohen, E., Davis, A. J., & Taylor, J. (2022). Interdependence, bonding and support are associated with improved mental wellbeing following an outdoor team challenge. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 1– 24. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12351
(3) Ng, R., Allore, H. G., & Levy, B. R. (2020). Self-Acceptance and Interdependence Promote Longevity: Evidence From a 20-year Prospective Cohort Study. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(16), 5980. MDPI AG. Retrieved from http://dx.doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17165980
Beware of People Pleaser Mode
The Perils of Being a People Pleaser
We've all been there. That moment when someone asks us to do something we really don't want to do, but we say yes anyway because we don't want to disappoint. Or maybe there's a task at work that we're dreading, but we push through it because we don't want to let our boss down.
In these instances, we are people pleasers. And while it may seem like a selfless act, people-pleasing can have some detrimental effects on our well-being. So let's take a closer look at what it means to be a people pleaser and why it's not always a good thing.
What is a People Pleaser?
A people pleaser is someone who consistently puts the needs of others above their own. They are trying to be all things to all people.
They might say yes to things they don't want to do or go out of their way to help others, even if it means sacrificing their own time or happiness.
People pleasers often have a hard time saying no and may feel guilty when they do. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed. Sometimes, the source of this discomfort is the fear of negative evaluation. Being a pleaser is one method to manage this concern.
Some of the potential signs of people-pleasing include:
Finding it difficult to say no
Always agreeing with people and keeping your true opinions hidden
Sacrificing your own needs
Neglecting your health to do things for others
Seeing other people as more important
Not asking for things you need or want
Apologising when you are not at fault
Building resentment towards others
Feeling overly responsible for others
Avoiding conflict at all costs and feeling extremely uncomfortable when someone is unhappy with you
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Why Do People Become People Pleasers?
There are various reasons why someone is a people pleaser.
Here are some possible explanations:
Being raised in an environment where it was considered more important to think of others than themselves.
Past experiences where saying no led to negative consequences.
Fearing negative evaluation in social situations
Low self-esteem may drive a need to 'prove' worthiness
Whatever the reason, people-pleasing is often rooted in fear of rejection or harsh evaluation. People pleasers often worry they will be cast out from the group if they don't prioritise others.
The Downside of Being a People Pleaser
While being helpful and considerate of others is always commendable, there can be too much of a good thing.
When someone is constantly putting the needs of others before their own, it can lead to them feeling taken advantage of, used, and resentful. It can also make them feel like they're not good enough or that their opinion doesn't matter.
If left unchecked, people may sacrifice their physical and emotional well-being to please someone else. Other problems may emerge. For example, a person may fear disapproval and become perfectionistic or place too much attention to detail during tasks.
Changing Strategies
Your response to this issue will depend on the underlying cause. However, we can think about responses in two main areas:
Cognitive
Think about your attitude towards your own needs. Many pleasers de-prioritise their well-being in favour of others.
Remind yourself that the needs of everybody are important. This stance places you on an equal footing with other people in your life. A give-and-take approach is more likely from here.
Sometimes, it may be appropriate to focus on another person. Other times, you should be the centre of attention.
Look out for predictions of negative evaluation by others. View these predictions with suspicion, especially if there is no evidence for their accuracy.
Predictions are fortune-telling. Most people agree that it's not possible to know the future. Therefore, consider the possibility that catastrophic predictions won't come true. Fortune and catastrophising are examples of cognitive distortions; thinking patterns that are problematic for our mental health.
Behavioural
The next step involves dropping one of your people-pleasing behaviours.
We want to see the result of a different approach. Your brain needs new experiences to challenge the pleaser mindset. Drop a behaviour or activity that doesn't generate too much discomfort. We are looking for a mild to moderate difficulty level.
We don't want you to stop doing something that will cause complete panic.
Pick a 'low risk' pleaser behaviour you do several times per week and stop it for one to two weeks.
Observe what happens; how you think and feel, how other people react, etc. What can you learn from these observations about the impact of people-pleasing on your life? Use this article on reflection to help process this experiment.
You can then repeat the process with another pleaser behaviour.
Other strategies
Some other approaches to dealing with people-pleasing include:
Thinking before offering or agreeing to do something. Pleasers will often over-commit or take on tasks they can't manage.
Set some firm boundaries that promote a minimum standard of self-care
Stall for time to prevent impulsively saying yes, and to give your brain a chance to evaluate the situation (e.g., say, "I'll get back to you tomorrow on that")
Consider the possibility (i.e., reality!) that not everyone will like you and that people will unfairly judge you at times.
Summary
You may have an issue to tackle if you recognise the above signs of people pleasing.
While being helpful is always commendable, there can be too much of a good thing.
When someone is constantly putting the needs of others before their own, it can lead to them feeling used, taken advantage of, and resentful. So next time you're about to say yes to something you really don't want to do, ask yourself if you're doing it for the right reasons.
We have extensive experience helping people conquer a range of wellbeing and performance issues at home and in the workplace. We can also help you overcome excessive people-pleasing. Read more about our work or browse other articles. Get in touch anytime.